Crazynesssssssss

past 2 days were really crazy.. a roller coaster ride with ups and downs..

slept for 2 hrs out of 48.. for the last 2 days... when i wanted to just sleep, i would roll around.. my head would be heavy.. symptoms of tension i believe.. because of that, after yesterday which in my last post, i stated would be my worst exam day, i slept for 10 hrs that night.. really nice sleep haha.. =) really tiring though.. to go into the exam hall tired and wish i could get more sleep.. nearly fell asleep during my maths paper 2 =P.. had to go wash my face..

for the last 2 days, i personally think that i made it through maths... as in i think it was sufficient to earn me what i wanted.. but for physics. oh my goodness.. it was terrible.. part of my insomnia was due to my physics paper which kinda traumatised me.. looking back at the paper i wish there were things i could have changed.. perhaps question choice and answers.. even though i cannot make anymore changes but sometimes these things tend to haunt u.. and its doing so to me right now.. its one of those cases where u slap ureself on the head after u knew u had made a mistake instantly after u handed ure paper.. and in my case.. it was not a mistake.. it was quite a lot of mistakes.. =(...but undeniably the paper was tough.. according to everybody in the physics stream.. the students in bio got a freakishly easy paper though.. it ain't fair.. =(

looking back at the effort i put in for this exams.. i kinda put in more than what i did in sem 1.. especially for the physics paper.. i ran through the whole thing twice. and spent a lot of time on doing the exercises etc etc.. but somehow i seemed to do much worse compared to my previous sem.. i don't know.. really.. i have prayed before i did the paper.. 5 mins before i started i laid my hands on the paper, putting it in God's hands and well.. i gave my all during the paper and i personally hope that God will miraculously give me wat i deserve now.. =).. though the aftermath its really kinda frustrating and i get fidgety when i think bout it now.. i pray that God will give me peace.. and strength to finish of the 2 days i have left..

part of these feelings come from the pressure of not gettin the course of my choice if i don get that perfect cgpa of 4.0.. which requires an A for all 3 core subjects.. i applied for pharmacy in USM in Penang..and that definitely requires a 4.0 cgpa.. i got that 4.0 for sem 1.. and now i have to get it again.. arrrghhh.. and looking at that situation and experience i had yesterday.. i don't know whether that is possible now.. but when i was messaging David yesterday.. he said something that actually summarized the whole thing up.. bout how i should feel bout this whole thing... He said :

" God has willed for all of these to happen.. its included in His plan.. so whether u get that 4.0 or not, He will still ensure that u get the course that He wants u to do.. according to His plan.. if by not getting the perfect score ensures that u walk in His plan, then so be it.. "

Kinda true isn't it.. i don't need to really care bout what happens after this.. watever i have done is done and now is in God's hands.. He will point my direction for me.. and if it means failing me to get my attention then so be it. =)

p.s my definition of fail means not getting an A.. (LOL)..because i have no other option.. hehe.

through this all i prayed and still is praying that watever i get brings glory to God.. because all this is for Him..

countdown : 4 days to home
2 days till exam ends


agape..